What to Say When People Keep Offering to Help When My Child Has Cancer

When people find out that your child has cancer you may be inundated with people coming to your home, or calling, or emailing, to offer help. Often the offers are the “let me know if there’s anything I can do to help” type.  

These tips may help you respond and make the most of offers to help. 

• Write a list of things that other people could do for you. Family and friends are often keen to help but usually need guidance on what to do.  
• Think about ways people can help that will maximise the time you have to spend with your children (both the child with cancer and your other children), and to ensure siblings can maintain their normal routine/activities as much as possible. This could be driving other children to school or activities or making a meal for your family. 
• Ask a friend or relative to coordinate offers of help. You can ask them to make sure that helpers don’t take over, or that there are not too many people coming to visit. 
• Set a day each week, or time of each day, that is “family time” or “quiet time”. Let extended family and friends know that you don’t want visitors or calls during that time. 
• It’s okay to say “I’m fine”, but if people want to help, accept it! Allowing others to help – in ways that actually are helpful (see previous tips) – frees up your time and energy to spend with your children. 
• Of course if you don’t want the kind of help someone is offering or feel uncomfortable about certain people getting too involved, you can kindly thank them for the offer but tell them you have a great network of family and friends supporting you.  

More advice/support 

Useful sites/resources 

> Cancer Council’s brochure How can I help? has straightforward advice for people about how they can support you.